In my latest video, I was inspired by a comment made by a new viewer last week on my channel. Monica said that she is not interested in fostering children who come and go, but rather she wants to provide a permanent family for a child or sibling group who are already legally free for adoption and will never be able to return home.

I love hearing about people like Monica! There are so many wonderful children in foster care through no fault of their own who need a family to be with them for the rest of their lives.

As I thought about what Monica and others like her might expect when they adopt an older child (over age five), I came up with the following. Be sure the watch the video, where I went into a lot more detail!

• The first parent(s), a.k.a. bio mom, a.k.a. birth mom, will be present in your lives forever, whether or not you ever see them again.
• It’s important that an older child in foster care be part of any conversations about adoption as early as possible and to have a say in whether or not they are adopted by your family.
• It’s important to learn about where a child is at developmentally and to support that, while finding age-appropriate ways to bond with them.
• Make sure you have opportunities to be alone in the car together (or going for a walk). That’s when the most important conversations with older kids and teens take place!
• Never B.S. an older child or teen (or any child for that matter!) Be honest and transparent with them. It’s vital to building trust.

There is so much more I could have said about adopting an older child through foster care. But these are the things that felt most important to share today.

Are you a foster-adoptive parent who adopted an older child through foster care? What would you add to what I’ve shared here?